5 Illusions About Love That Stop us From Loving Fully - Mutual Reflection

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5 Illusions About Love That Stop us From Loving Fully

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Fear remains to be one of the greatest modern obstacles. But what are human beings frightened of? They are frightened of illusions, things that are not real. They are terrified of things that are illusory, for instance, success, failure, criticism, good opinion about others. Borders and limits in our mind are some of the reasons for these illusory. But nature doesn’t recognize borders. The borders in our mind are only part of human created conventions.
This modern fast moving world has it’s own ideas and words about love. If we do not fulfill these constructed convention, we are immediately thinking of failure, not being wanted, needed, loved. In order to surrender to Love, we have to crack down these illusions about what love is:

Illusion No. 1: Love is an attraction

Weekend in park 
How many times have you said to a person that you love him/her more than you love anyone else? That means you are attracted to them more than to others. Have you ever thought that they fit the programming in your head better than other people do? The saying that love is blind is false.
Attraction is blind, yet there’s nothing so clear-sighted as love. If we are led by this attraction, after it’s gone, we’ll holding onto them out of guilt, loyalty or even out of an ideal.
But love in our sense of word has died. Then an inner conflict emerges. After you’ve been attracted to someone, gratification follows, and after that wearisomeness.
If the wearisomeness persists, anxiety is born. You want to keep that person next to you, hoping somebody else won’t get them. Possessiveness follows and of course, jealousy and fear of losing. That certainly is not love. These negative feelings are poisoning the mind as well as the body.

Illusion No. 2: Love is dependency
make lovePeople are well organized when it comes to being dependent on others. The whole society is based on mutual dependency.
We depend on the baker for bread, dentists for healthy teeth etc. But that is inter-dependency. But can you imagine to be dependent on another person for your happiness.
This is evil. You are living the illusion that someone has the power to decide whether you would be happy or not. If you ever give somebody this power, you will be fearful and manipulated.
You cannot leave this person, your happiness depends on him/her. You are immediately under a burden. It’s not uncommon to see two empty and incomplete people depending and leaning on one another. That is not love.

Illusion No. 3: Love is the assuaging of our loneliness

When human beings feel empty, they rush to fill the emptiness with someone or something. That is not love. Incidentally, many people are running away from that emptiness and the loneliness.
They run to all kinds of activity, they engage in social activity, they run into work, they run into other people’s arms. But the only cure for that loneliness is not the contact with other human beings but the contact with reality.self love
We fear loneliness but if we would face that loneliness, we might discover that it isn’t there. There is no emptiness either. If we would face the illusion we were programmed into by society that we need others, we realize that it isn’t there. It’s an illusion that has been created in our heads.
A key thing to remember is that what you are running away from, and what you are searching for, is inside of you. Face what is inside of you and the thing which you are running away from will disappear. Only then the thing you are searching for would emerge. So love is not the assuaging and the soothing of our loneliness.

Illusion No. 4: Love is a bargain

Lovers-MoonWhen most people talk about love, they are talking about like it’s a thing on the market. Like it is a bargain.
“You’ll be good to me and I’ll be good to you.” If the partner isn’t nice to us our nice feelings turn bitter. That is not love. You could bargain with money, you can strike a deal with all kinds of things, you can strike a deal even with your emotions, but that is not supposed to be love.
Relationships that are built on expectations are so fragile and ready to fall apart. The expectation that you need to find happiness in someone and that person needs to find happiness in you brings possessiveness and additional struggles.

Illusion No. 5: Love is a desire
At least once in your life you have said to someone: I desire you with all my heart. Or even the opposite: As much as I love you, I do not desire you. Whenever there is a desire there’s a threat. And where there’s threat, there’s fear. And where there is a fear there is no love because we always hate what we fear. And perfect love casts out fear. Whenever there’s desire it always goes attended by fear.Life giving love
So love is not desire, love is not attachment. Falling in love is the exact opposite of love. And it’s canonized everywhere. You find it in the movies, in love songs, these are need-songs.
If you say ‘I cannot live without you’, that is not love – that’s hunger. Buddha once said that the world is full of sorrow and the origins of sorrow and the root of sorrow is desire.
What merit it is of yours if you only love those who love you? You must be all loving as your Creator is all loving. God is Love and Love is Divine. But what generally goes by the name of love today, has nothing to do with Love.

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